I Don’t Fit In Anywhere At School
Dear Dr. Judy,
Q. Everybody in our school seems to be part of one group or another. There are the popular kids, the bums, skaters, goths, smarts, half-smarts, grubs, sluts, jocks, and the very popular group. I don’t fit anywhere. Is there something wrong with me?
Answer: To label so many groups in your school tells me one thing for certain, you have a brain that is fully operating. You already have good insight and understanding at just how different teenagers can be.
During the tween and teen years, every kid wants to belong somewhere. Who wants to be the odd man out, alone, scared, and feeling alone?
Please don’t try to pigeonhole yourself into one group or another. While it may make you feel safe and secure to have a label, trying to be friendly in general and move from group to group on the outskirts might work for you. Though it doesn’t give you a clean-cut feeling of total acceptance, try to be your own person, even though I know that is tough. You won’t be a teenager forever.
Decisions you make right now may well affect you for the rest of your life. You have already made some good choices not to be in negative groups. Very few people are going to be in the very popular group, anyway. Also, as you well know, during teen years, going in and out of groups can change day-by-day. Teenage girls are often particularly wicked regarding excluding their girlfriends over any little incident that comes up. Judging each other negatively almost seems to be a girls’ sport during teen years. Unfortunately, the daggers that get thrown at other kids can affect them for their whole life. Don’t let this happen to you.
Figure out who you want to be, perhaps a kind listener, someone who helps others, a leader, a better student, etc. Act accordingly. If some kids don’t like how you act, that is just tough. If you are happy with the person that you are becoming, that is enough. The only one who can really reject you is you. Don’t worry about what other people think. Choose your own path instead. You can’t be a loser unless you tell yourself you are. You are not! If you have one good friend that cares about you, during the teenage years, you may be way ahead of the game. Don’t let any group dictate to you. Though their nasty remarks may be painful, try not to let them see you sweat. Hold your head up, throw your shoulders back, walk like you’re the somebody who you are, and flash a big grin. Be positive. They’ll wonder, “What’s she so happy about?” Positive feelings are often contagious. Remember that you are always unique and special because you are you!
Dr. Judy Krings
Clinical Psychologist
Riverhill Psychological Associates