My Parents Are Ticking Me Off
Dear Dr. Judy,
Q. My parents are ticking me off. I don’t get into trouble, so what is the big deal if I hang around kids that do?
A. First of all, good for you for not getting into trouble. You are already one step ahead. Hanging around with kids that get into trouble may take you back a step or two, however. Not getting into trouble is one issue, but also focusing on your future, making good decisions for yourself, learning to appreciate your good qualities, etc. are also important during the teen years. If you are proud of yourself for not getting into trouble, perhaps you might want to look at the reasons why you would tend to hang around kids who do get into trouble. Does this make you feel more accepted in some way? What prevents you from hanging around kids who don’t get into trouble? What do you need to prove to yourself and others regarding acceptance and or rejection?
Gee, I guess I better give you some answers rather than asking more questions! If you feel you are a good kid who is hanging around kids with problems, perhaps you have a need to help other people. Perhaps your own self-esteem isn’t good enough, and you are afraid that other kids in your peer group might not think you are as good as they are in some way.
Just remember, it isn’t always the kids you hang around with, but it is the choices you make no matter who you are with. Remember the phrase, “If you lay down with dogs, you will get flees?” Sooner or later, you may well get drawn into some troublesome situation just by virtue of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Once again this is your choice to make.
My gut feeling is you may have a problem with your own self-acceptance. Sit down with yourself and do some positive self-talk. If you know you are a good kid, start acting like one. Believe in yourself. You can accomplish whatever you set your mind to do. Don’t let anyone stand in your way, and never hang around with people who don’t have your same values. This doesn’t mean you think you are better than anybody. It just means you value who you are for yourself. In life, we get a zillion chances to make decision. It is okay to make a mistake. Don’t judge yourself without mercy. If you mess up and fall down, get up, forgive yourself, and try again. If you think you can, you can!
Dr. Judy Krings
Clinical Psychologist
Riverhill Psychological Associates